Losing Her
by MGMalfoy0268
Summary: I'm fine. Honestly...I'm fine.


Losing Molly

June 11th

We were pretty close… more than that though. She was my best friend … we told each other everything. She had my back and I had hers. Merlin, I love her so much. She's my only sister. We argued of course, but that's only natural.

The funeral is next week, on her birthday. Mum says we'll honor the day she came by making it the day we leave her in peace. I think that that is idiotic. Why taint her memory with something so dark and horrid like the day her body was buried under the suffocating dirt?

I'm fine though. It sounds like a lie, but I promise it isn't. I'm fine. I just want to sleep a little longer. It makes it easier. I don't have to think…

June 19th

Mum and Dad are wrecks. They look like walking corpses. I think they died along with her. Dad gave the eulogy. He sounded a little like a walrus because of his strangled sobs. No one laughed though, well, except me. I don't know why I did. I just…laughed.

She's beautiful, smart, and shy yet when she had something to say, people would listen.

I don't want to perfect her image though, because it wasn't perfect. My sister was annoying, naggy, frustratingly cautious, unjustifiably self conscious, and extremely stubborn. She was also the most selfless person I know though; she would do anything for someone in need.

The funeral today was depressing and black. I wore jeans and a royal blue tee. Mum yelled for me to change but I didn't. She doesn't understand. No one does.

I didn't want to wear black because black is for mourning. I don't need to mourn. I'm done. I'm fine.

July 3rd

I think I'm getting some sort of summer flu. I'm not hungry and I'm tired all the time. Mum's worried, but she has been since …she left. I told Mum I'm fine, because I am, but she just leaves and shakes her head.

Dad is working a lot, sun-up to sundown… usually more. I don't really see him much anymore, but I don't really see anyone anymore. That's ok. I like the quiet better anyway.

She and I used to go to Nana Molly's house over the summer a lot…I haven't gone since she was here. Most of the day I just wait, looking out her window. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for, but I am. I'm fine though, perfectly fine.

July 17th

How long does the flu last anyway? Mine has only gotten worse. I can't really do much except look out her window. I don't mind though. I like it. The room smells like her.

I haven't really left her room. I don't know why she has so much crap. She has 11 stuffed animals. Who needs 11 stuffed animals?

I'm pretty tired now though. I think I'm going to take a nap. I'll be fine afterward though.

July 31st

I've been at St. Mungos for a while now…the psychiatric floor. I passed out in her room a few weeks ago and they brought me here. I don't know why I'm here; it's just a simple flu.

They've got me hooked up to a tube that gives me food supplements. I'm ok with that. I'm not hungry anyway. The only thing that I really mind is not being able to see out her window. It has a lovely view of mum's garden, even though it's overrun by weeds and grass now.

Dom, Rose, Roxanne, and Al stopped in yesterday. They talked at me for a while but they said they had to go. I like the quiet better anyway. Mum and Dad hardly ever leave my side. Dad does work at the desk wile Mom mainly cries. I wish she wouldn't. I don't.

I have to take a few pills everyday…I probably wouldn't take them if it weren't for Mum crying all the time.

She seems to feel better if I actually swallow them. I don't need them though. I'm…I'm fine.

August 3rd

The healer came in yesterday. He said I was suffering from something like post-traumatic stress disorder, but I didn't really listen to what he was saying…it doesn't really matter anyway.

She would know how to cheer me up. It would be okay if she were here. But she isn't…and I hate myself for hating her for it.

I'll be fine though. I promise….Molly….I'll be fine.

August 17th

I went back home last week.

I…I cried last night…for the first time since she…. Molly…. died.

She had me and I had her…and now…and now I have no one! And that just isn't fair…

If anyone should have died, it should have been me. You were always kinder, smarter, and stronger. I shouldn't have been the one to have survived…It isn't right and it isn't fair…Molly…it isn't fair.

Why couldn't they have just taken me?

I promised I tried. I tried to block it all out, but I can't, not anymore. It just…it hurts too much…and I don't want to blame you…but who else can I blame?

Why did you leave me alone? You shouldn't have left! We need you. Mum needs you! Dad needs you! I…I need you! You left me to stay strong without someone I could fall back on….

I should be strong right now. I should be holding my own and standing tall. I shouldn't be…broken. You wouldn't be broken…

But that's what I am Molly…broken. You broke me. You left me to do something I couldn't have ever done. You left me to fill your shoes, as the sturdy one and that wasn't fair…I'm all alone and I failed…and Molly? I'm not fine.

I'm not fine, and for that I'm so…so sorry.

Lucy R. Weasley


End file.
